When I don’t have any time to eat real food

whatshouldbetchescallme:

I think this is one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said about me.

A girl I was friends with and worked with this past January told me confidential information about my boss (illegal for her to share in her position). I then told my boss to cover myself because I didn’t want it getting back that I knew and never said anything. Plus, if she said it to me she could be saying it to others and in this industry that’s extremely not acceptable. Anyway apparently that lables me as “getting her fired” even though SHE was the one doing the illegal thing and in the wrong. Either way, writing this ^^ does that honestly justify what she did??? She would rather I get cancer because SHE got caught for somehting SHE did wrong. This world disgusts me.

On top of it, only a few people here knew about my health issues. I mean obviously it’s apparent by my spots everywhere, but I only mentioned to two people that they were testing for cancer. This upsets me even more knowing that people are talking poorly about me and that they could think such hurtful things.

Overall, I’m extremely upset right now. Work is suppose to be a safe environment and now I feel as thought I can’t share anything.

Crap, I swear I’m trying to get better at posting again.

Tuesday I had a doctors appointment for my spots, they are treating it systemically with methotrexate.

Wednesday, I went to get my blood results back. I don’t have leukemia!! I know that sounds weird but I had somewhat convinced myself I had it. Anyway, I have a reoccurring infection, but my white blood cells cut in half since my blood test before so I currently don’t have an infection. We’re just going to use the methotrexate (which is super intense and lowers blood cell count) so ultimately it should solve both problems.

I’m just glad they are finally doing something. My spots cover 60% of my body they said this time. My whole face is covered and it gets worst daily. I am really glad this is about to end.

One thing after another with me huh?? That’s how I feel. That’s why it’s tough to blog. I feel like I have no good news and my life is a bit shambly and not normal.

On the “bright” side I have been eating well and not being a psycho.

Muy Bueno

 I need to get back into the habit of actually writing on here daily. 

Well Wednesday was my doctors appointment. They finally made more steps to solving my problems. They did a complete blood test, so everything you can think of. Also, they did a chest x-ray and I’m getting a CT scan of my throat and abdomen this week. My spots are spreading so he called my derm to get me in asap. In upstate ny there aren’t many dermotologist so they are always super busy. 

Anyway, I’m going Tuesday for the derm and then Wednesday to hear the results of my blood test. So far I did get a letter in the mail saying my chest x-ray was normal- so that’s good to hear!

As for my actual health, I’m just run down. I’m very tired and my spots have completed started covering my face. My entire forehead is covered and it’s coming down the sides of my face and my ears and behind my ears. So that’s really frustrating becuase it’s now right out in the open. 

HERE IS GOOD NEWS! EVERYONE READ THIS PART!

Last month I started running group with my trainer. My first mile time was 9:27, after a month of mediocore work (with being sick I was missing quite a bit and not doing as much of the scheduled runs outside of group), and we did a time trial on Saturday and I ran it in 8:27!!! So to cut down by a minute in one months time of only running 2-3 times a week was very exciting!!

I’m doing the crazy psycho thing with calorie counting/burning/scale…so I’m immediately stopping calorie counting and stepping on the scale. To be honest, I should be worrying only about my health right now and focus on that. As long as I am doing what I’m suppose to be, my weight will come with me being overall healthy. 

Positive attitude… Gotta keep with that.

This weekend was pretty low-key. Here’s a nice picture of my mom and I after my cousin’s bridal shower!

Science lesson?

According to science, for every 3,500 calories you deficit from eating you lose 1lbs. 

So last week (Tuesday-Tuesday) I’ve had a collective deficit of 7, 657 calories. So I should be losing over 2 lbs tomorrow. 

Key word, should. I believe as of yesterday I was the same weight. We shall see.

Peaks- I bought new work out pants hahahaha

Pits- My body is really weak today and it’s only been 24 hours without medicine, which worries me.

I found out how to get rid of my gel mani at home! and the cutest dog I saw this weekend!!

Pictures some of you probably didn’t want to see, but these are the spots. They are covering probably 65% of my body! I counted in the shower a few weeks ago and it was close to 500!!

The weekend is already over :(

Hello All,

To answer those of you who replied to the last post, lyme disease has not been checked out, eczema was the first thing they thought it was and it is not, and shingles I had my soph year of college and they didnt think it was that either. I will definitely keep everyone posted!!

Saturday I had running group and loser challenge… freaking insanity. I ran 4 miles with my trainer then did anohter 3 miles with the challenge!! So 7 miles! All together my bodybugg said I burned 1,200 calories!! Sheeeyitcha!

I wish I had more exciting things to update you on. I visited Albany Saturday, drove back earlier today. Had a bday dinner for my mom and then watched two hours of game of thrones hahahah

Easy day I suppose. 

I’m trying to be the most me I can be. I realized I will be truly happy when I am doing things for myself, acting like myself and being myself. So I’m trying to worry less about how I should act and more about just living in the moment.

Ps. I’m very itchy tonight. 

Also, tomorrow is Monday… stinks. 

Thursday

Ello folks,

Let’s begin shall we. I’m using my bodybugg again. I’m realizing I’m hitting my calorie burn every day which is really exciting. On top of that I’m tracking my food and eating my calories spot on!! I’m excited to see how Tuesday’s weigh in goes. 

Tonight I had loser, it’s much more strength training with a little cardio mixed in. I’m planning on a rest day tomorrow, then I have running and work out on Saturday. Sunday, I want to run on the canal and then Monday probably do a fitness class at the gym. 

I like being back on a schedule and working on everyday. 

I’m really frustrated with my spots/ sickness today. I get very exhausted very easily and my spots itch and burn. It’s so biazare. If anyone has any idea, please let me know!!

I googled things and only freaked myself out. High white blood cell count can mean a lot of things, but a majority of those are really terrifying. HOpefully I’m just freaking myself out. 

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday night!! Stop in, I’ve gotta get back into blog reading ;-) 

I hope you didn’t forget me.

What’s a quick way to recap my life right now- well this is easy- shambles.

I moved out and broke up with my boyfriend.

I started running again in early March

I have been really sick since January

I’ve also had a weird spot/rash all over my body since January.

I’ve been seeing derms, but as of last week I have had a drastic change. I was sick for the 4th time (badly sick, fever of over 100 for 3 days). I went to the dr last Wednesday, they took blood ( I passed out because my blood sugar dropped so low) then continued to get more sick through out the day. 

I got the blood results back and i have a high white blood cell count and they assume an infection in my body. I’ve been on meds for that since, my fever finally broke Saturday and I’ve been back to normal with that since.

Now they think the spots, fevers, sickness and high wbc count are all connected and I’m getting more blood tests next tuesday. 

So yah, in a nutshell lifes been fucking nuts. I’m really tired of being sick/hurt, etc. Lucky for me, the illness knocks me down for three days or so, but then I feel better again. I went to running group tonight and my coach told me I didn’t lose any of the work I’ve done. 

As for the exBF, I don’t want to talk about it. It ended horribly (I left him) and he went nuts. I’m finally getting my life back, but that was just a horrible event in my life. 

Work wise, I got a promotion!! I’m now the head person in charge of our internship program :) I got a brand new office and everything ahah! 

Weight wise, I convinced my mom to do biggest loser at my gym with me, I’m down 3 lbs (only been on for 3 weeks) and my moms down 2.5 I believe! 

Updated picture of me since you all forgot who I was,

This is our agency’s recruiting team! We are #1 in the company right now for our internship program! (us celebrating in NYC in January)

My showing my NY Ranger’s pride a few weekends ago when I was visiting my brother in Albany. 

There’s a lot of overwhelming shit going on in my life right now.

Anxiety has a way of consuming everything.

Fear does too.

I need to start doing things for myself before I start losing myself.