Peaks and Pits

whatshouldbetchescallme:

I think this is one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said about me.

A girl I was friends with and worked with this past January told me confidential information about my boss (illegal for her to share in her position). I then told my boss to cover myself because I didn’t want it getting back that I knew and never said anything. Plus, if she said it to me she could be saying it to others and in this industry that’s extremely not acceptable. Anyway apparently that lables me as “getting her fired” even though SHE was the one doing the illegal thing and in the wrong. Either way, writing this ^^ does that honestly justify what she did??? She would rather I get cancer because SHE got caught for somehting SHE did wrong. This world disgusts me.

On top of it, only a few people here knew about my health issues. I mean obviously it’s apparent by my spots everywhere, but I only mentioned to two people that they were testing for cancer. This upsets me even more knowing that people are talking poorly about me and that they could think such hurtful things.

Overall, I’m extremely upset right now. Work is suppose to be a safe environment and now I feel as thought I can’t share anything.

Crap, I swear I’m trying to get better at posting again.

Tuesday I had a doctors appointment for my spots, they are treating it systemically with methotrexate.

Wednesday, I went to get my blood results back. I don’t have leukemia!! I know that sounds weird but I had somewhat convinced myself I had it. Anyway, I have a reoccurring infection, but my white blood cells cut in half since my blood test before so I currently don’t have an infection. We’re just going to use the methotrexate (which is super intense and lowers blood cell count) so ultimately it should solve both problems.

I’m just glad they are finally doing something. My spots cover 60% of my body they said this time. My whole face is covered and it gets worst daily. I am really glad this is about to end.

One thing after another with me huh?? That’s how I feel. That’s why it’s tough to blog. I feel like I have no good news and my life is a bit shambly and not normal.

On the “bright” side I have been eating well and not being a psycho.

 I need to get back into the habit of actually writing on here daily. 

Well Wednesday was my doctors appointment. They finally made more steps to solving my problems. They did a complete blood test, so everything you can think of. Also, they did a chest x-ray and I’m getting a CT scan of my throat and abdomen this week. My spots are spreading so he called my derm to get me in asap. In upstate ny there aren’t many dermotologist so they are always super busy. 

Anyway, I’m going Tuesday for the derm and then Wednesday to hear the results of my blood test. So far I did get a letter in the mail saying my chest x-ray was normal- so that’s good to hear!

As for my actual health, I’m just run down. I’m very tired and my spots have completed started covering my face. My entire forehead is covered and it’s coming down the sides of my face and my ears and behind my ears. So that’s really frustrating becuase it’s now right out in the open. 

HERE IS GOOD NEWS! EVERYONE READ THIS PART!

Last month I started running group with my trainer. My first mile time was 9:27, after a month of mediocore work (with being sick I was missing quite a bit and not doing as much of the scheduled runs outside of group), and we did a time trial on Saturday and I ran it in 8:27!!! So to cut down by a minute in one months time of only running 2-3 times a week was very exciting!!

I’m doing the crazy psycho thing with calorie counting/burning/scale…so I’m immediately stopping calorie counting and stepping on the scale. To be honest, I should be worrying only about my health right now and focus on that. As long as I am doing what I’m suppose to be, my weight will come with me being overall healthy. 

Positive attitude… Gotta keep with that.

This weekend was pretty low-key. Here’s a nice picture of my mom and I after my cousin’s bridal shower!

According to science, for every 3,500 calories you deficit from eating you lose 1lbs. 

So last week (Tuesday-Tuesday) I’ve had a collective deficit of 7, 657 calories. So I should be losing over 2 lbs tomorrow. 

Key word, should. I believe as of yesterday I was the same weight. We shall see.

Peaks- I bought new work out pants hahahaha

Pits- My body is really weak today and it’s only been 24 hours without medicine, which worries me.

I found out how to get rid of my gel mani at home! and the cutest dog I saw this weekend!!

Pictures some of you probably didn’t want to see, but these are the spots. They are covering probably 65% of my body! I counted in the shower a few weeks ago and it was close to 500!!

Hello All,

To answer those of you who replied to the last post, lyme disease has not been checked out, eczema was the first thing they thought it was and it is not, and shingles I had my soph year of college and they didnt think it was that either. I will definitely keep everyone posted!!

Saturday I had running group and loser challenge… freaking insanity. I ran 4 miles with my trainer then did anohter 3 miles with the challenge!! So 7 miles! All together my bodybugg said I burned 1,200 calories!! Sheeeyitcha!

I wish I had more exciting things to update you on. I visited Albany Saturday, drove back earlier today. Had a bday dinner for my mom and then watched two hours of game of thrones hahahah

Easy day I suppose. 

I’m trying to be the most me I can be. I realized I will be truly happy when I am doing things for myself, acting like myself and being myself. So I’m trying to worry less about how I should act and more about just living in the moment.

Ps. I’m very itchy tonight. 

Also, tomorrow is Monday… stinks. 

Ello folks,

Let’s begin shall we. I’m using my bodybugg again. I’m realizing I’m hitting my calorie burn every day which is really exciting. On top of that I’m tracking my food and eating my calories spot on!! I’m excited to see how Tuesday’s weigh in goes. 

Tonight I had loser, it’s much more strength training with a little cardio mixed in. I’m planning on a rest day tomorrow, then I have running and work out on Saturday. Sunday, I want to run on the canal and then Monday probably do a fitness class at the gym. 

I like being back on a schedule and working on everyday. 

I’m really frustrated with my spots/ sickness today. I get very exhausted very easily and my spots itch and burn. It’s so biazare. If anyone has any idea, please let me know!!

I googled things and only freaked myself out. High white blood cell count can mean a lot of things, but a majority of those are really terrifying. HOpefully I’m just freaking myself out. 

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday night!! Stop in, I’ve gotta get back into blog reading ;-) 

What’s a quick way to recap my life right now- well this is easy- shambles.

I moved out and broke up with my boyfriend.

I started running again in early March

I have been really sick since January

I’ve also had a weird spot/rash all over my body since January.

I’ve been seeing derms, but as of last week I have had a drastic change. I was sick for the 4th time (badly sick, fever of over 100 for 3 days). I went to the dr last Wednesday, they took blood ( I passed out because my blood sugar dropped so low) then continued to get more sick through out the day. 

I got the blood results back and i have a high white blood cell count and they assume an infection in my body. I’ve been on meds for that since, my fever finally broke Saturday and I’ve been back to normal with that since.

Now they think the spots, fevers, sickness and high wbc count are all connected and I’m getting more blood tests next tuesday. 

So yah, in a nutshell lifes been fucking nuts. I’m really tired of being sick/hurt, etc. Lucky for me, the illness knocks me down for three days or so, but then I feel better again. I went to running group tonight and my coach told me I didn’t lose any of the work I’ve done. 

As for the exBF, I don’t want to talk about it. It ended horribly (I left him) and he went nuts. I’m finally getting my life back, but that was just a horrible event in my life. 

Work wise, I got a promotion!! I’m now the head person in charge of our internship program :) I got a brand new office and everything ahah! 

Weight wise, I convinced my mom to do biggest loser at my gym with me, I’m down 3 lbs (only been on for 3 weeks) and my moms down 2.5 I believe! 

Updated picture of me since you all forgot who I was,

This is our agency’s recruiting team! We are #1 in the company right now for our internship program! (us celebrating in NYC in January)

My showing my NY Ranger’s pride a few weekends ago when I was visiting my brother in Albany. 

There’s a lot of overwhelming shit going on in my life right now.

Anxiety has a way of consuming everything.

Fear does too.

I need to start doing things for myself before I start losing myself.

I guess I haven’t posted because the wifi we were stealing from the neighbors put a password on it :/ it’s hard to post from my phone bc then there are no pictures (you know how I like pictures)

Update about me is simple. I went to NYC w work on a conference. Flew back and landed at 430 on Tuesday, woke up at 12 am w stomach probs fever and sore throat. Called into work. Felt like even more shit. Called into work Thursday too- found out I have strep. Went into work but was sent home Friday bc I still had a fever of 102. Finally feeling 80% better and it’s Sunday night. Yay amoxicillin! Work tomorrow. Working out w grace Tuesday. Boom.

I worked out today with my trainer for the first time in a month. LOL.

I am out of shape but she said since the last time I was with her I lost 2 pounds HAH

Love it- 

But I still want to make some. I think it’s fun and a nice way to look at your past year and decide how you would like to better yourself for the next one to come. 

So here it is, things I’d like to do this year

1) Move more (walk, ride, run, dance, whatever it may be!)

2) Less diet soda (weird new habit of diet soda, maybe not donezo but limit it fo sho)

3) gossip less- it doesn’t help anyone or thing

4) do something for someone else (i don’t know) daily

5) get rid of the bad people in my life

There’s never a better time than the present to start bettering ourselves. I’m done with trying to make an effort to people who treat me like crap. 

I start my trainer again Saturday. After my car accident I took a huge break from working out. I finally believe my body is ready to be pushed to it’s limits again! Now to just make a habit of it again..

I’m going to NYC this weekend for a work conference! It’ll be my first conference with this company and my first time in NYC without anyone I know…eeeeek

Bloggity

DIggity.

Here I sit, in my kitchen with sloppy joes on the stove and tater tots for my man in the toaster over. He’s plowing the neighbors driveway for free because he’s a sweetheart. 

Such a strange but exciting week. The beginning of the week was filled with lots of “new” things. It was Christmas and I have a boyfriend. Saturday my brother came into town so as a family we went out to dinner. Then Sunday night my grandparents from Massachettes came into town and we had a big family dinner with my aunt and them. Then Monday was Christmas eve so we did Sean’s family. We went to his Babshi’s (Polish for grandma) and ate delicious polish food. It’s funny, I’m 1/4 polish. My grandpa was born in Poland, but we never do very much polish things. To eat this food with a family embracing it’s heritage was so much fun. 

Tuesday we did my family. Sean had been plowing practically all evening so he was one tired pup. He kept nodding off as we all sat around on couches waiting for the food to be done.

One crazy take away from this holiday compared to others- I didn’t hate myself for eating. I ate what I wanted, but not a lot of shit and I didn’t feel guilty. I had an amazing breakfast with eggs and sausage and then amazing turkey dinner. I still am not eating gluten so that cut out a majority of the crap I could have eaten. But the amazing part was I didn’t feel stuffed and I didn’t feel like I needed to work out a lot or eat less the next day. 

Amazing how things change. 

Okay- so here’s where the week got very interested. 

I had my yearly review (even though I haven’t been there a year yet.) and I got a raise!! And we discussed my development within the company and where I want to go!! I work for a great company and the skys really the limit. So it was a great day knowing how highly they thought of me. 

The rest of the week was blah, mainly because no one is in the office and I have lots of little interns who need to pass a major state test. 

Complete bliss right now. I honestly can’t think of one complaint in my life as of this moment.

Enjoy your Friday night everyone!

Best,

Caitlin

Wellll well well

Today-

1) my bf said “have you been losing more weight?”
2) moving into my new apartment tomorrow
3) company Christmas party tomorrow AND I got my Xmas bonus yesterday
4) my brother asked if I wanted to do a tough mudder or 5k with him (he’s not a runner so that’s awesome tht he’s excited)

Happy Friday! I know I had a long work week TGIF!! Movies at home with the boo thang

Well let us see. What did I do today? I woke up next to my man went to work all day, my ex boy friend is interviewing there (weird) and then came home to dinner made by Sean.

Fish and salad w a side of gluten free pasta!! My mans the best ;)

Now we’re watching inglorious bastards.

To work out tomorrow perhaps?? I thinking about running again actually, it’d be fun to test my bodies limits again!

Ps proud of all you who were messaging me w what you’re up to! Love all your stories!

Pps girl who messaged me who said u went to the Same hs as me… Hi!! Don’t be shy! If u hav a blog id love to follow :)