Peaks and Pits

Simple.Lose 5lbs. Follow marathon training and do 1 thing every day that scares you/ helps you better yourself. 

Day 1: Today I woke up at 5:20am to work out before going to work because I knew when I got out of work at 5:30pm I wouldn’t want to work out knowing that I had so much homework to do. 

A couple weeks ago I sent my copy of Runner’s World to Lauren Fleshmen to get it signed (I am a dork) and I passed along a little note about my blog/a brief history of my running and how motivating she is. 

She not only signed it but wrote a note on her “Believe” stationary.  It says:

“Dear Caitlin, You’ve been a warrior through the ups and downs. Go easy on your spirit and forgive yourself for any undesireable consequences of past actions. Today is NEW! I’ve made incredible combacks with that daily reminder. Recognize EVERY good thing you do. Sincerely, Lauren.”

and she signed the copy of RW saying 

“The greatest change comes from a place of love for yourself. You know this already but remind yourself daily. It works! Lauren Fleshmen”

SHE IS MY IDOL. OMG 

It cost me 85$ today to run outside. Why? Because I started to make up every excuse in the book of why on a nice fall day of 50 and Sunny would mean that I should run inside on a treadmill. <—- If that isn’t fear then what is?!?!

So I went to Dicks and bought underarmor compression tight spandex business so my legs wont giggle when I run. <— fear of fat running overcame.

And the jacket because it was really comfy and loose and great. 

That face in the picture is the “I’m nervous for my 70 minute run outside”. 

Made a new play list- then ran. And ran some more, then 70 minutes later was done.

^^ stolen from Allie’s blog 

Funny story about ze run.

I ran my usual (pfft usual as in when i used to run outside) route, then took a quick left turn randomly and went into uncharted territories. I encountered 3 hills in one (it goes hill lil flat hill lil flat hill, so i guess one big hill but whatever), then down the road up a massive hill to the cemetary then stopped at russ’s grave- had a lil moment, ran down the hill (best part), then past my grandmas (noted that her car was in the driveway so i didn’t run back home but then ran around near her house figuring i’d end at her house and chill with her), so ran up another big hill, annnd landed at my grandmas.

Went to open her door…and it was locked…. That’s fine I know where the spare key is I figured I’d call my parents to get me. Went to get it..it’s not there. FAIL. I didn’t bring my phone either (whoops), so I walked to the town restaurant and had to call my parents to pick me up (it was like 4 miles from my house and I was not going to over do my runnig today COME ON FOLKS).

Fail.

But it was still a great run.

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Just got back from Paranormal Activity 3. <— that ish is messed up. That is all I have to say. ANd that katie is a dumb baish and the moral of the story is don’t tease your sister. And be nice to ghosts and do what they say. And don’t set up cameras ever. Just ignore.  

Well….my friends Amanda and Amanda and I were lumberjacks…muaha

That beard is made of the darkest concealer I could find…and a woman at Kinneys told us “I thought those beards were real” and then I didn’t know whether to be offended or not….

Andrew was a terrifying cookie monster, and Bri guy was Max, the Grinches dog. He had sticks on his head but he was too tall and they kept hitting the ceiling.

They were singing some irish song here…

Anddd there’s the grinch…and brian dancing to somehting…being a dog…and wearing a sweet jacket.

^^ That was my halloween it was great and I love these people. I am haha uh much younger than most of them, like they are in their 30s and well I am 21… but they don’t treat me like a kid so I love it. Actually, most of their friends when they meet me are surprised when I say that I’m still in college. So that’s flattering!

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I am extremely tired now…Another thing- I can’t drink anymore… I had like 1/4 of a glass of barenjager and green tea and my headache got worst and I jjust stopped drinking. So I think it’s official I’m back to not drinking! FUnniest part- when I went to drive home at 230 a couple people asked “If I was Okay to drive” ahah I legit laughed and was like um I haven’t drank at all tonight ahah.  

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Yesterday’s run was a “fitness test” So it was a 10 minute warm up, 25 minute run, 5 minute cool down. Interesting… I have a 70 minute run today… someone should come force me to run outside because I’ve already started making excuses in my head… 

Talk about a cute dog. 

Before my blog obsession I used to check this woman, Erin Vey’s website all the time. She’s an amazing photographer and I hope some day when I have my very own dog and money haha I will pay her to take my pictures with my dog hah TRUTH

http://www.erinvey.com/

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^^ I love parks and rec. 

I will surprise you all with my costume tomorrow. It will be epic and great. 

Today? what did I do. Woke up at 6, went to work, got home at 530, came home… didn’t run… Call me a whiner or a whimp I dont care. My head was killing me and I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep at the table as my mom talked to me about what they were doing for dinner. So I  opted out of running and went to dinner with my grandma. Win because I love her and my family. Now I’m literally going to bed. It’s 9:34. I don’t care. judge me.  

tanadoeslife:

because I can.

67#

69#

100#

THAT IS WHY TANA IS AWESOME SAUCE

My bff megan texted me this morning saying “Your tweets are very inspirational this morning”. This is what my twitter page looks like. I’m glad I misspelled a great Billy Mills quote… #fail, it should be rest not red…

Anyways, my morning started out just like my twitter.

I went to bed last night already fearing today’s run. I had a “20-45 minute heart rate ladder” on the training schedule. As I was laying in bed last night I was already thinking up a plan of how I could cross train again tomorrow then run Thursday at home… I woke up with that same fear and plan. *Insert tweet about fear*. Got to the gym, hopped on the arc trainer for 15 minutes, while reading Kara Gouchers book (for the 9th time), I came across the Billy Mills quote “God has given me the ability, the rest is up to me. Believe. Believe…” then I MTFU jumped off the arc and got onto the treadmill and started my HR Ladder. Did the ladder for 30 minutes, jumped off and onto the arc bumped the resistance and incline up to stretch the quads/hammies and then did planks on the mat. 

Bam. And like that I conquered my fear. 

Kiersten messaged me on FB a great quote yesterday (it’s like she read my mind) “Do one thing every day that scares you.”- Eleanor Roosevelt.

Side note about Ellie… My she spoke at my grandma’s high school graduation and my grandma has a picture of them sitting on a couch together HOW BAD ASS IS THAT.

That last tweet is just great because my friend rachel tweeted “I would do anything to meet J. Cole”…. 

To answer all of you who have inboxed me- Yes I am ONLY using this blog now. So enjoy ;) 

I feel like I’ve been going non stop since last Monday. Sadly, I don’t think this feeling will stop until Thanksgiving break. I may have just now realized I’ve bitten off too much to chew… 

Between working, training, senior year classes, and organizing/running this domestic violence drive I am seriously overloaded. Actually, on one of my sociology classes exams today a question was “what is it called when there are many different jobs required to one person” (or something that isnt word for word) the answer is ROLE OVERLOAD. Which is exactly what I’m doing…juggling multiple roles. Student- Worker- Volunteerer (<- is that a word), and Marathoner. Yikes. 

Saw this, liked this. Boom.

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Okay I haven’t told you all about my doctors appointment with my surgeon yesterday because I was too stupid busy! 

The CT scan came back good- my skulls healing YEAAAH but its not healing even GRR but thats okay because its healing on the outer one, not going IN towards the brain YEAAAH. Okay- so that is why there are bumps in my skull so that question is not answered. 

Bad news- Where my break is, the bones that are pushed in towards the skull are directly by a major artery. The dr (this is where I get insanely freaked out) said I am extremely lucky that it didn’t go in more (that’s what she said) because if it did it would have hit the artery and I would have bled to death with in minutes… 

This being said though- I was advised that my bone is still closer to that artery now… thus, there is still the possibility that if I get hit there again it could puncture that artery. Okay that’s where I live my life a little more careful and freaked out. No more contact sports. Gotcha. Life > Sports.

Other bad/good news. She asked about the headaches/ dizziness. I told her how I still have them daily and that some days are really good but then the next day will be awful. She told me that’s all to do with Post Concussion Syndrome and that I could experience this for up to a year. Good thing I’m about 5 months down… 

So I leave you with this, a quote from the great PRE

Having a true faith is the most difficult thing in the world 

All I want to do right now is cry and sleep and be done with all this work. 

#realtalk

I’ve been watching Felicity on netflix lately (by lately I mean choosing that over catching up on all the shows I’ve DVRed thats how important it is to me right meow). 

It’s really helping with my emotional boy drama and what not. Plus, since the show came out when I was 8 I have no idea what is going on in the show! I expect the unexpected! woo!

Favorite quote so far :

“I’m learning little by little that we decide what our lives are gonna be. Things happen to us. But it’s our reactions that matter. “ 

Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I know I have issues, a lot of them (but who doesn’t). I know I have fears (even more of those). But right now in my life- for me to try and overcome my fears, that would mean to actually try. I’ve been afraid to try. 

Afraid to try to lose weight—- because I’m afraid I will fail 

But what is failing in the eyes of trying to lose weight? There is no down side. There is only good and good. Okay so you tried to lose weight and you didn’t lose any this week, well try again next week that’s better than sitting around doing nothing eating bon bons- make those fried bon bons. 

The only other good side to that is that you lose weight… so why not try? because failing at trying isn’t really failing at all…because that is better than just doing nothing. 

FEAR NUMBER 2

this ones a big one. 

I’m afraid to run outside and I’m treadmill obsessed <— woah I said it. (thats rule number one of overcoming an addiction right?)

Why am I afraid? and why am I obsessed? 

-Let’s see. A few reasons.

One because treadmills keep count of your calories (even if they are crazy inaccurate) and for some reason in my craziface mind I think if I don’t work out at the gym it doesn’t count as burning calories. <—- I’M AN IDIOT I KNOW THIS ISNT TRUE BUT IN MY TINY HEAD THATS HOW I”VE COME TO BELIEVE IT.

Two because running outsides means I could be really slow or that I will have to stop and walkk and I will have to work hard and push myself. Phew wow to get that off my chest. Seriously- I know I have these dumb fears but really I need to grow a pair.

At school I’m afraid to run outside for all those reasons ^^ and because I am afraid someone will kidnap me. My school is in kind of a small town, lots of dirt roads…secluded… anyways I don’t know many people at school and especially when I would go for a run.. no one knows I have left so no one would know if I didn’t come back… and that freaks the living crap out of me. So to combat this fear I have decided to try and work my schedule so I optimize cross training while at school but running once a week at school but on the track in the field house. Phew wow there we go. 

Wow we are really making progress here!!

Tomorrow’s plan on da schedule —> 1.5 mile Speed test then 20-45 minute zone 3.5 run :D Get it gurl <— this will be done after work… outside…while not worrying about calories…. 

Hokay- That was short lived right? 

Well here is the thing. It wasn’t well thought out and I hate losing friends haha. My switch to my other blog didn’t work for my bloggies that don’t have a tumblr… there was no way to get them the link and that isn’t fair to them. I like to keep them around chu know. 

So I discussed the “situation”

(not to be confused by 

and then he reminded me of all the facebook messages from people in my real life who have stumble upon my blog and started their own weight loss or running journey. So he convinced me and made me realize I was being a little poophead. So 

I’M BACK! I’m sorry I played with your heart.

Omg please don’t hate me hahaha everyone who just messaged me either message me again or look at the post on the new blog—- I have resorted back to an older blog because I realized this new one wont accept messages or replies and those are extremely important…lets be honest… 

How come my new blog doesn’t have an ask box!>!>!>!>!??!?!?! And I can’t find it anywhere!! 

I don’t even know how to write this post- which essentially just proves my point even more.

I don’t blog right anymore. Well, I guess I do- but I don’t blog for the right REASONS anymore. I hid my struggles and my real personal issues and all sorts of things. I leave the blog to posting about running and weight loss. 

But I have my reasons. 

1- I want to talk about my social life and issues with that <— but I can’t because real life people read this 

2- I want to talk about a creepy event that is going on and causing lots of stress but I can’t… because well that’s hard to explain still..

3- I want to be pressure free and not only write about accomplishments but sometimes write about what I ate or how I am going to bitch and moan about the fact I have to have 1 more semester of school even though I only need 2 classes to graduate but need to take 4 classes to be considered full time and receive my scholarship and financial aid. And with that I want to bitch to my advisor for  not realizing I only need 2 classes when I could have easily graduated in December and saved an entire semesters tuition…but I’m not bitter about that at all…..

4- I’m sure there are more.

So how I will combat this! I made a new blog- but I was going to just give you guys the link but then realized this completely does not help anything… because then the same real life people and creepers will know the link to my new blog… aka not changing the situation at all. 

So what I am purposing is this. If you would like to follow my new blog- and read about 

-How I am unhappy with my weight and I will be talking a lot about this at first because I need to vent

-How I am struggling with running for multiple reasons

My social life <— big steps of me talking

Essentially, my new blog is for me again. It’s my escape and I will post as many times a day as I want. And I will post whatever the hell I want and I will do what I want. So yeah- That is what is up. 

So if you want the new blog, you need to message me (and have your ask or messages available) and I will message you back with my link. That way I know who I am giving this ish out to. If you find it, then you find it. Congrats on some major stalkage! 

I have a new found respect for marathoners who train while they work full time. 

The last thing I wanted to do yesterday after working 8-530 was to go running. I wanted to eat dinner and I wanted to not move from the couch. Then I WTFU and ran. I had a 35 minute “zone 4” run, and I did a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down, so I ran 5.5 miles in 45 minutes! wooo! 

Yesterday during a meeting at work our managing director used an awesome quote that I will share with you now…

There’s no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone”

Ain’t it the truth. Baked my bestie Brit homemade cookies because she’s sick and we watched midnight madness. Super secret business this morning, then cross training day, family party, and hanging with my friend amanda tonight! Let’s get TO IT! 

Rizzo is gangster.

I’ve been trying really hard to remain positive lately. I really don’t mean to be a “debbie downer” or anything like that, but sometimes life gets you down and you forget all the great things that are happening and focus on the negative. 

For example: Facebook sucks. I am notified daily about how my college soccer team is doing, how they are all having a great time, and how I can not play. Another reason why facebook sucks, I keep getting asked by people to play on their indoor teams. This sucks. I really really really want to play. So I get bummed out that I can’t play and then I remember “oh wait it’s not just this year you can’t play YOU CAN NEVER PLAY AGAIN”. Brain injury+ broken skull that isn’t healing = more likely to get more broken skulls and brain injury. Sucks. No pick up basketball, no indoor soccer, no football <— wait I only ever played once a year on thanksgiving… but still I can’t play anymore :/ 

Reason number two I am bumming: Another person in my family has cancer. And I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to write that- because I don’t know if it’s “public” knowledge yet, but it sucks. I mean obviously it sucks, but it sucks even more because it just reminds me of losing Russ and Aunt Cindy. And then it reminds me of how my entire families lives have been changed and effected by this. 

So then I kick myself in the butt and tell myself to suck it up and focus on the positives out of all of this.

1. Even though I can no longer play contact/team sports this does not mean I am done with sports. I am grateful for my obsession with running which started a year ago, because if I didn’t have that, I would be lost. With that being said, I can now focus on trying to become a better runner and eventually start doing triathlons and all sorts of good things from there!! New goal: Be a pro runner…
2. Even though cancer is impacting my family in a negative way it is also giving me a chance to appreciate my family and the little things more. I used to be a stuck up brat and would book my days full of hanging out with friends and spent as little time as possible with my family. Now I make them a priority and love every second of hanging out with them. 

Sometimes I forget I go to college…. I had class today at 2pm and I had to leave at 11am in order to get back to Potsdam in time. This being said…. I had to run this morning… Today on the schedule was another “threshold day”. Probably so I can find the most accurate heart rate. And well it’s a dang good thing I did it again because I stupidly didn’t do it right the first time… therefore my “steady eddy” run now makes more sense why I bumped it up.  Anyways- Only did a 3 mile run today, last threshold I did 4 but that was because I ‘climbed” back down because I wanted more of a work out. So anyways- did the 3 then finished up on the elliptical at the gym for another 30 then had to quickly get on the road.