Peaks and Pits

The special at school today….

I’m curious how they came up with the name…

I’m exhausted- like considering falling asleep on this library table at 5:30 tired. Sooooo yesterday was interesting… I didn’t really have much time to do anything- wake up - work- home for a hot sec only had about 45 minutes to work out so i did some work outs from cassey’s blog channel - wake/funeral then home dinner fast then I had to jump in the car and get to school sooo i didn’t get back here til about 11. Yes this does mean I didn’t run yesterday- or today for that matter. Unfollow me, don’t like me whatever- I’m not ready to run yet. 

 <— me which leads to this…

I don’t have much else really…. I suck at blogging now- serious lackage. 

I could briefly update you all and have you judge my actions ready: 

-I am still into juicing, when I’m not at school tues and wed I have at least 1 juice a day. 

- I secretly have been eating vegan for the past month or so and none of u knew <— taunt you— my reason for this was I was/am afraid you (yes you) think I’m doing this for weight loss. No I am not. I am still following weight watchers so I am still eating lots of points/cals so this does not “speed up” the process or anything.

^^in note with this i am not just DOING this I am researching and reading books to get knowledgable so i can do this the healthy and right way. 

^^double note it is for health reasons too i have been lactose intolerant for a long time, i always just deal with ice cream (BECAUSE I LOVE IT but it hurts :(() and i noticed as soon as i completely eliminated dairy i have felt way better. Same goes for meat. 

^^another note (getting good with the notes) i have been vegetarian at other times in my life (even when i was bigger) so again, not for any weight loss reason. 

Actually phuck that- honesty is key and not giving a flock is too- if this aides with weight loss more power to it. I don’t know how it wont considering its eating entirely clean. peace. #hatersgonnahate

ps.

listen to that song. 

Tomorrow I will run for 15 minutes

****edit I don’t know how but my blog was just hacked, its under control now sorry about that weird flight spamming****

Grime beyond grime right now. I’m doing a “see how many days I can go without washing my hair” phase… Maybe I’ll wash it today… maybe not… I’ll probably get lice if I don’t… 

moving on… 

This morning I had a lil weight watchers meeting and weigh in.. 

Starting weight 168.8

Last week 167

This week 167

Yeah… i stayed the same. So I had a little bitch to the leader because here’s my issue- this has happened the past 2 times I did this “new” weight watchers- I’d lose then gain then lose the same pounds. So anyway she went through the list “salt intake, period, working out, eating enough, going over yadda yadd” and I’m none of the above. So then we looked at my overall weight history- like since May 2009- and she said I have an average loss of 2.4 lbs per week so that being said, she said stick with this and next week might be a big number, I may just even out in random ways, one week may be nothing but then I’ll drop big another time- either way, I’m still frustrated but I have nothing left to lose (no pun because I do have lots to physically lose) so I will keep eating how I am and keep truckin’ along knowing “good things come to those who wait” 

So flattering… 

OH also- this may sound sad but it’s not- my great grandma Mimi, just died this morning at 102 years old <— HOLY HELL that is old!! My other great grandma died a few years ago at 97, and my great aunt is currently 96!!! I need to keep treating my body right because I guess the women in my family have longevity! 

Mimi and my grandpa (his wife) my aunts and uncles and my mom and dad at Mimi’s 100 birthday party a couple years ago! 

I wanted to do some yoga…but then my dog got in the way (staged after photo OBV)

So then we just hung out and had a photo shoot…

Thanks anon….

STORY TIME! 

Once upon a time I HATED running… that was from birth until summer of 2009… During middle school, high school, and freshmen year I hated running- I mean I was a 3 sport athlete but I HATED RUNNING. The most I would run would be like what a mile… it’s different running when you are playing basketball or running on the soccer field… outside of it I didn’t “train” I would run like 2 miles TOPS  preseasons and mainly just was in shape because I never stopped playing a sport from age 5 to 19… 

The start of the hate

My ultimate I hate sports and my body came mid way through my freshmen year of college. I was playing d3 soccer and during a monthly meeting with my coach she told me if I wanted to start the following year again I would need to lose AT LEAST 20 pounds. She and our asst coach then preceded to put me on a “nutrition plan” and on top of our 2 a day work outs I was “suggested” to run. 

So here I was a freshmen at college being told I’m fat and not good enough. On top of it I had insane pressure academically because I was at an almost ivy school- we are extremely well known for engineering here, anyway I was lost as a person and feeling pressure from everywhere. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd (that sounds dumb but I really was) and I hated myself. 

So while I was MADE to run after my practices I began to HATE running even more. On top of it I found out once I got home from school that I had mono that whole spring semester when I was battling this ish. 

——

Next steps

After coming home that spring semester I decided to join weight watchers. I don’t even think I was working out at this point yet. I would probably go to the gym every other day and do just elliptical or bike. Then something clicked. If I went to the gym more I would speed up the weight loss! Hazzaaaah! So I started going to the gym more and was only on the elliptical. Then one day I remembered how I used to have to run for soccer and that if I wanted to play soccer at the school I was transferring to in the fall I would have to get my ass in shape. So I started running… like for 20 minutes.. NOT EVEN. So it would go like this- run for 20 minutes, ellpitcal for the rest of the time I wanted. 

Then I was playing on outdoor soccer teams still and softball teams, so I was getting in better shape from that. Then I started to push myself. I noticed “oh hey I can run for 20 minutes and I’m almost at 3 miles… so I would then run to 3 miles (not caring how much longer that took me). Then I said if I can run for 20 minutes I’m sure as fudge I can run for 30 minutes. 

Next I started running for 45 minutes, whenever I got tired I would just walk until I felt like I should run again… (this was all on the treadmill fyi). Next thing I knew I was running for a solid 45 minutes every other day. 

Then I started realizing oh hey I’m running like 5 miles at least! So I started tracking my miles weekly, I didn’t plan a run- I would just run then write it on a sticky note in my car. So every time before I walked into the gym I’d glance over it- this sparked a desire in me. Everytime I went to the gym I wanted to run, because well I wanted to run more miles. It wasn’t about time and it wasn’t about huge weekly numbers. I was running about 30 miles a week. There was no long run- it was all split up evenly. 

As my running increased each week I saw myself going on the elliptical less and less, and when I did I didnt feel the same accomplishments that I felt on the treadmill. 

Then I started to take my runs outside. Nothing crazy, and I didn’t have any fancy shmancy watch, so I would bring a normal digital watch and just run for X amount of minutes. If it was a 30 minute run day I ran 15 minutes out and 15 minutes back, but typically when I got back at 30 I kept running until 45…. then this switched from 45 to 60… 

And then I started a blog.  That is a link to a post in august 2010, as noted by the August Goals, I wasn’t concerned on a certain number per run, it was more of a weekly thing. More concerned about my weight.

Blogging influence

However, through blogging I started realizing an importance on running and individual distance goals… and seeing that time “mattered”. 

I almost regret this- it changed me. I became obsessed with numbers- EVERYWHERE. Weight, jeans, runs, weekly miles, time. Every number mattered and everything mattered. 

I wish I had my who cares attitude still at this point… 

Mila you are so smart… 

I know I kind of went on a rant here- but this is really my running story. 

Through blogging influences I got the idea of a half marathon and marathon in my head. I had never ran more than 7 miles but I was so jonesing for it. I thought “I could never” for the first billion months of my running… then I remember a specific day (oct 25th) when I ran the longest run of my life ever. 

I just did it mid run. From that day forward I knew I could run long distances. The next time I ran 10 miles was on thanksgiving. Then I started training for a MARATHON (after a relative told me I was already more prepared for half). From that week forward everything became very scheduled. 

Run x this week with a long run of x. 

Increased every week. RARELY missing a run. Only focused on running. 

Thus the start of my demise, I believe. I got hooked in a good way and a bad way. 

I loved training, and hitting new distance goals and what not. 

Then I got obsessed with speed and time because I saw that I was on the speedier side. My weight gain started (eating too little- running too much) and then my obsessive weight ness / binge-nesss started. And I would call this the start to the fall.

Running has been a pressure after that, not fun. Blogging became a pressure. I had to fulfill these expectations that I only set for myself but I thought I OWED to people reading my blog. As for weight as well, I thought I NEEEEEEDED to be small again. 

I don’t blame blogs- I just do believe I took things a little too extreme. 

Fast forward, I pulled my hamstring, started drinking again (that sounds like I’m an alcoholic but Ihad stopped for 2 years yes even though it was illegal, but I CHOSE not to drink). Then I started running less- still obsessed with food and weight, chose to do SIM which is LIKE crossfit but kind of different, I loved it- still was running on top of that though - enter obsessive working out and “eating right” meaning I wasn’t again. 

However I was seeing results- but then came the accident. Then I realized there are more important things in life than weight and working out. Yes I have been kind of mopey and sad since the accident but I think that’s a given considering how shitty things had gotten and how the one thing I’ve known my whole life was taken away (sports). 

So I tried to run during it- didn’t really help my head any. Tried to train for the disney marathon (i had signed up pre accident), lowered it to a half by dr’s reccomendation, then got hit again and had to nix it completely. 

And from that point on (4 weeks ago) I haven’t ran since. 

I am jealous, sad, nervous, and a bunch of other emotions. 

It’s not like I CANT run right now, my heads been feeling a lot better and the head aches are coming pretty much every 2 days or so, so not often anymore. But I’m afraid. I don’t know if I WANT to run right now? I don’t know.

I know one thing, I want to lose some weight and get back to being completely health mentally. I don’t want to sign up for a race and I don’t want to compete with you (even though none of u know I mentally do that- I can’t help it I am a competitive person). 

I know that when I do start running again- it will be because I woke up one morning and wanted to run that day, not because i felt like I HAD to run. I know that I won’t be as fast or in shape and that’s why I plan on running out of a general time- not a mile distance or set time. 

Sorry I just wrote a novel- I just got going and couldn’t stop. 

** ps i just tried to add a read more line twice and it didn’t work… soooo

TELL ME WHY MY EYES ARE GREEN TODAY?!!! whaaaaaaa

For some reason last night I decided to come back to school early… maybe to get away? Yeah let’s go with that. I love being back here (but not really), I only like it in that it’s 3 days of the week where my only commitments are classes and working out.  I don’t have to juggle work and friends (seeing as I only have a couple friends up here). It’s really great and peaceful. Plus my apartment doesn’t have a tv or internet in it so when I’m there I just read, listen to music, sleep or watch a movie on my computer. I like it. 

So I’m almost done with college- weird. I’m only taking 2 classes this semester and that internship- WHICH my advisor and I talked about today and I get to take it as a graded class, not just pass fail… THAT MEANS I can do really well in it and get a bomb gpa. Word. I need to stop saying word… I sound like a tool when I say it… 

^^ Back on my dunkin’ habit 

Work out: Arc trainer!! 1 hour

Yoga- 30mins!

Food: It’s been weird.. because I don’t have anything in my fridge…

Oatmeal w/ banana+1tbsp peanut butter

Snack- luna bar

Lunch- rye bread w hummus, hot sauce (judge me), banana peppers, spinach, sprouts, tomatoe, cucumber - side of fruit

Dinner???? HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I’ve been very “into” tofu lately. Here is nomtastic lunch.. 5pts.

Tofu 3oz= 2pts

Carrots+Broccoli = NONE OBV

Brown Rice (1/2 cup)= 2pts

Wegmans Sweet Chili Sauce = 1pt

Nom away….

First class of spring semester senior year is tomorrow! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

To do list for the rest of the day:

dr’s appointment

gym —> Elliptical 30 mintues, lunges/abs/push ups/squats, elliptical 

Tonight- SU game!! and I really really really want to do some yoga- NEED to do some YOGA I think it will be good for my body and soul!! (corny- sue me). 

Dinner— Vegan “chicken” quesadillas  

http://www.jillianmichaels.com/fitness-and-diet-tips/emotional-triggers-behind-emotional-eating

^^ diggin that

Annnddd I’ll prob

again….

My weekend in pictures…

The douche came home… here is the douchelords truck

The douche and our family friend from Kansas were here for the weekend and I thought it was about to be a kraken weekend… RELEASE THE KRAKENNNNN

But it became a different spiced rum weekend (i didn’t drink)

Here they were yesterday afternoon before dinner… ze boys were hungovah

Then I got a hair cut… but it doesn’t look any different… 

Just healthier I guess?? Annnnnd then the bro and lil pooch w evil eyes. 

Successful fun weekend with some good people. now…

GIANNNNTSSSSSSSSS

I remember a distinct moment in early high school, where I thought “holy shit I’m really fat”. I was in 9th grade and I envied all the skinny girls who wore tiny abercrombie jeans and I wore my size 8 american eagle jeans. (funny because at this point in time I’d kill for a size 8)- but in 9th grade I was a 5’3 155lbs girl. Side note, the following summer I grew 2 inches and stayed the same weigh but still thought I was huge. 

This wasn’t the first time I felt like a fatty, I remember being in middle school and elementary school thinking “aw man why can’t I wear limited too” and I have only wore a bikini once in my whole life, and that was when I was 4 years old and i had a watermelon bikini… after that it was always a one piece, or like my high school/ middle school/ college years it was “don’t swim unless I’m in my full clothes because I ‘accidently” forgot my suit”. Another side note, even at one of my lowest weights last summer I didn’t wear my bikini with out shorts. Hm, some day. 

Anyway, so this morning I was cleaning my room and I came across a box in a drawer that was extremely familiar. 

This box I made freshmen year when I had decided I was not cute and needed to fix my “big butt and fat stomach” so I would start working out secretly in my room. I took the work outs from seventeen magazine and would do that at night. 

So I found this box and took a look at the work outs, it’s no wonder I have body issues!! LOOK AT WHAT I WAS BEING SPAMED WITH WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD!!!  

I mean I am ALL for getting teens to work out more, but I was a 3 sport athlete who even during the off season I was playing on travel teams. But no- as a 15 year old - and note I remember reading these in middle school too so that’s 13, 14 years old, since I was 13 or so I have been reading in magazines how I need to ” get a hot body” or to “tone my booty” and there was a “flat abs” one too. 

I’m not entirely bashing these work out magazine things, because you know, it is helpful for people who don’t have a gym membership and to mix things up, but I can completely understand where I have found body issues from. 

All in all, I don’t know the point of this post, other than to say hey look I’ve always had issues and that this isn’t right. I pray that when I’m older I have boys. 

I want to do this. AHHHH how is it even possible

Weight Watcher WEIGH IN (I’m doing Saturday morning weigh ins so it keeps me aware on friday nights)

Starting weight: 168.8

Current Weight: 167

YEAH BOI

Gotta keep the ball rollin’ 

The liquor store has “tooters” which are “tropical shooters”…so imagine this scene…

“yeah so we were at the bar rippin’ tooters”

HILARIOUS

Seriously seriously seriouuuuslaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy I just had the most amazing work out since well since a wicked long time.

Here’s how it went.

Elliptical 

first 5 minutes at level 8

5-10min at level 10

10-15min at level 12

15-20 at level 14

20-25 at level 14 (backwards pedal)

25-30 level 12 (backwards)

30-35 level 10 backwards

35-40 level 8 backwards

40-45 level 10 forwards

45-50 level 12

50-55 level 14

55-60 cool down at level 4

and then I went up to the lil room i always go in and did planks with the big ball, like so

Then 25 lunges 25 squats (hey it’s a start) and I felt boss.

SWEATY MESS! I actually was wicked stoked even though my face doesn’t look it

I love wearing this shirt to the gym. Mainly because I drink maybe once ever 3 months hahaahah

PS THE BEST PART ABOUT TODAY… DRUM ROLL PLEASE

I HAVEN’T HAD A HEAD ACHE ONCE TODAY AND I DIDNT AT ALL DURING THE WORK OUT AND SO FAR NONE AFTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/4 cup chocolate silk light 

1/2 cup water

1 diet hot coco packet

1/2 truvia

Holy balls. 

Know what is NOT a nsv?? Going to buy a winter coat and none of the friggen fit so I won’t be going up in a size considering I’m going to freaking lose all this weight soooo it looks like I won’t be getting a new coat.

Wind breaker and 7 year old north face it is.

^^ Truth. 

The past couple days have mushed together… I finished my online class and GOT A 4.0 in it! so that helped my cum gpa which I’m wicked pumped about. 

I have been eating really well!! I am debating putting my food logs on here again but honestly it’s too boring and tedious. If you want to know what I’m eating- ask me :) 

As for the head, I am gladly able to say the head aches are going down again. This weekend it was pretty bad but I think that was because I drove so much. As for today, I had one little one and I think it was more of a stress head ache…. this being saiiiid…. perhaps an exciting event/surprise will take place tomorrow. Perhaps.

As for exercising right meow, I’ve been just doing the elliptical and random add on work outs. However, I am feeling kinda bummish with that- because I miss the feeling of getting my ass kicked. BUT I need to remember that I am HEALING right now that is my thing HEAAAAAALIIIIIING and focusing on my NUTRITIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

I wish I had more to say right now but I think my brain is spent and I’m watching the biggest loser… priorities people :D 

I took lots of random “document my life for the blog” pictures the past couple days. In conclusion, enjoy my life. I went to Boston on Saturday (after ww) to see my best friends Amy and Sam! (I lived with them last year, Amy just moved in with Sam in Dec). 

I saw this billboard and LOVED it. 

Sam looking extremely nervous before the Pats game…good thing they taunted TeBOOOOOOO 

There was the golfball game and I finally got it. It was the most accomplished thing I did this weekend. Not kidding you.. 

I drove home yesterday, it was literally the longest drive for the shortest trip there, but I am glad I got to see them and that the weather was nice. I start school back up again soon booo, but I really shouldn’t complain I practically don’t go to school. 

Found this EXCELLENT PURCHASE at Wegmans!! Obv immediately bought it. 

This was the largest block of cheese I’ve ever seen and I was curious who would ever buy it

I wore my new uggs (random purchase that I felt like I needed) last night and it was really hard to take a picture of it… 

YOU LIKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?????????????????????

In other news…. last night I read over every single piece of ww material they gave me Saturday morning and I am understanding the “free”ness of fruit now (they refer to it as “prepaid” not “free” because they’ve already calculated the fruit in with the other points). As for the activity and weekly points I am going to go into my weekly and not touch my activity. We’ll see how that works out. 

I have a tendency to use my activity because I feel pressured to as if I’m not eating enough. Therefore I create this nonsense in my head like in hs where I would say “I can eat that I worked out today”. No bueno. I won’t be doing that. 

Question for you- How are you guys doing on your new years resolutions? or just your lives? I miss you all please talk to me :( 

Hey guess what I did today? 

I went to a weight watcher meeting, weighed in, got the new program booklets and stayed after and talked with my leader. 

Now I’m shippin’ off to Boston